enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Tuesday, part II

So my head feels like it is going to explode and I just ate lemon cake for dinner, so methinks I should keep this brief. :)

I've decided that I'm just going to go ahead and fall in love with that German economist dude, since I don't want the hassle of looking for someone else.

I just hope that he doesn't have any weird tendencies or perversions and the like. :) I mention this as in his pictures he looks startlingly like the brother of a friend of mine, who in fact DOES have the irksome habit of maxing out all of his credit cards buying p-rn.

How do I know this?

His older brother, my friend, helped to deal with the aftermath a few years ago when his parents discovered that the brother had maxed out their credit cards buying Intern3t p-rn.

And really, I'm not an expert or anything, but I do need to ask...is Intern3t p-rn really that expensive? It seems like a simple supply and demand problem. Everyone wants to make a buck on the Internet. The competition must be fierce. Non?

But I digress. I don't really want to write about Intern3t p-rn.

What do I want to write about. Well, not much. I had hoped to write about last night's dinner party--and I do have a great deal to say about it--but I think that I might just be too tired. And C is coming over to give me a hug, as I'm feeling quite rattled over the fact that I'd pretty much be an idiot not to move from my completely unprofessional department to a better one.

I'm just so sick of CHANGE.

I want to be quiet.

This also, of course, means no vacation if I get the offer tomorrow. I'll have to start in a couple of weeks. :(

OK. No more thinking about it.

The party last night was good, except that there were three enviable couples there and then stupid me.

There was this really cool gay couple--one of whom works on rule of law stuff in developing countries. He was cute as a button, cultured--loved my bread :)--and was utterly fascinating. His partner is a curator at the national w@r museum.

The second couple I didn't manage to completely size up, but the woman works in international relations and in the minimum speaks French and Spanish fluently. She had met her utterly lovely husband when traveling in Chile a half a dozen years back, I gleaned. I will say though that this woman was too loud and domineering to be likeable upon first meeting, although most people improve with acquaintance.

And of course there was the star attraction: the poet scientist and his wonderful girlfriend. I can't entirely see yet that they are optimally matched, but they seem to be having fun and I wish them all happiness.

All that was challenging about the evening for me--for it was not the duck a l'orange, the mushroom compote, the brussel sprouts with prosciutto and pine nuts, or the chocolate mousse with raspberry coulis--was that I was envious of the state of being with someone cool and educated and interesting who laughs at one's stories. I want to be sitting next to someone who looks at me with interest and with pride when I'm speaking with his friends. Larry did that when we were out with his guy friends, I'll give him that.

But he was a craptastic companion the rest of the time.

Sigh.

I have startlingly poor taste, really. I think this because upon reflection I realize that there is nothing in general that those people in that room yesterday have that I don't have that means that they should be loved and appreciated and I should not be. :)

I think I might mean that. :)

Ah well. I will survive. :)

I should have some tea and go to bed. I'm so overwhelmed at the moment and I have yet ANOTHER job interview in the morn with someone else in my department who contacted me today. I figure it couldn't hurt to at least chat with her tomorrow, in light of the other thing.

Honestly, I want STABILITY.

Chain me down, someone.

And do you know what else is bothering me? I call myself artistic and yet I've never completely been able to figure out my colours. I'd like to be an autumn, but I look horrible in dark, warm colours like rust or mustard. In fact, I think that rust would be my worst colour ever, apart from maybe a harsh fuschia or turquoise (which makes me realize that I am definitely not a winter). And although people always comment that blue brings out my eyes, I've never felt particularly good in any blue but navy (my skin is peachy-olive.) I think as a result that I must be a spring--since springs look nice in yellow-based things but the colours are slightly lighter and clearer. Tricky. Aging really stinks, you know. Because when I was young my hair was brown with red highlights, and now my hair is much less red and much more ashy. It's quite depressing, really. Our skin gets sallow and our hair fades. Sigh. It's too soon! It's too soon!

Enough about me. There must be something better to talk about. There are infinitely many better things to talk about. Did I mention that through the whole dinner on Sunday my friend's mum from Trinidad kept stating something to the effect that her daughter had become so fat since she had moved to Canada. Oh yes, you see, it's not only children in Canada who are much fatter than the kids in Trinidad but also the spoiled young professional set.

I felt like saying something to the effect that I'd rather be fat than at constant risk of kidnapping and ruled by a party that's decidedly trying to constitutionally force my country into a tenuous grip on democracy...

But I resisted. :)

10:04 p.m. - 2007-10-09

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