enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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EVERYONE WANTS ME :) But only for today.

Sometimes I have this intriguing revelation that my entire life can be illuminated in one fell swoop by the glowing embers of a cigarette.

It is now 2:47 a.m. and a warm, thick rain is falling in the humidity outside. It's the kind of thick rain that fills the drainpipes and makes you want to run out and splash around in it, even in leather ballet flats.

My windows and skylight are wide open. The smell is divine.

Tonight, in spite of my intense fatigue, I joined the gang of statisticians from my old workplace--plus Ava and her husband--for a beer or two.

I'm always glad when I do this because any new vantage point on my steady daily existence is refreshing.

I like these guys. I like one of them in particular. We've always had a connection. But he is many years divorced and with one son aged 13 and he has no desire--no willingness--to have any additional children. We're not seeking the same thing.

But tonight we ended up walking together from the bar, chatting as we do, and suddenly I realized that his arm was around me and we were walking in great comfort together.

But I kept my wits about me. I was telling him some long drawn out story of my time in South Korea with the friend whom I'd made whilst working in Washington D.C. when I was fresh out of university...and there it was. His had was stroking my back and I found myself saying something openly about how I don't do the casual sex thing and we don't want the same things from life.

All illuminated. By the butt of his cigarette.

It's more complex than I'm stating. Life is always more simple and more complex than is portrayed in a trivial diary entry written by me.

A few blocks before the stroking occurred two young American gents stopped him to ask for a light to their cigarettes and finished by telling my companion that "Man, your girl is much better looking than you are!"

Weird. Stupid. Ordinary.

The rain is really coming down now.

So a few blocks later after the story was over and R had said somethign to the effect that it just felt right to be walking with me and with his arm around me...and I was in complete control of my senses, saying my goodbyes, making my turn down a major street, walking the six blocks back home with my bladder suddenly *full to bursting* and life is normal again.

I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on this matter when I wake up in the morning.

For now I just like listening to the rain and realizing that I'm a woman to whom someone offered tonight to loan her pug for company on occasion.

Wow, it's a torrent outside. I can almost imagine that I am in Jamaica and again 17.

I like rain that obliterates all but the messy surface of things.

So I'm meant to be alone. Hmmm.

OH! Before I forget and go off on another tangent! The strangest thigns happened today. Without even applying I have been included in a competition for a much higher position in my department and I'm apparently being interviewed on Tuesday. It could be the most effort-free promotion in history if it comes about.

What happened is that my supervisor was given his interview lists and discovered that I was on one of them! And of course I had not applied for the job!

Very strange.

And a man called me this afternoon and gave me an impromptu French test in which I was required to describe randomly things dans mon bureau. (I hardly thing that a stuttered "My office is large. The walls are blue." should merit a promotion. :)" Forgive me, for I was pressed.

Quite bewildering. I have another written French exam on Tuesday as well--also a surprise.

And then I arrived home to listen to my phone messages to hear a message from the Foreign Affairs department. Apparently I am again up for a diplomat position, fully unbeknownst to me before that moment.

I'm always the last person to know.

They want me. But only for today. It won't last, I am sure. :) It would seem that I have a host of angelic head hunters on my file...listen for bells. ;)

2:46 a.m. - 2007-08-25

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