enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I should run. I should run. I should run!

I love, love, love my job. Thank goodness life is great on that front. And the people are quite nice and friendly. Things are good there.

But the thing is that I've been trying this week to figure out how to follow through with my plan to be more engaged with my life, my community. And it is not working! I can't find a regular volunteer job that is suitable and that fits my schedule. I can't find a course that I want to take and that fits my schedule for the summer.

And worse yet...I don't like my new coach. He's really clueless. And I mean clueless in a bad way--he has people training in a way that is counter-productive. It will be difficult for me to train with him. It will be nearly impossible for me to agree to do as he says.

I can't do as he says.

I should have known that he sucks from the results of his club. I just thought that the people in his club were of modest talent. That may or may not be true.

My former coach who was visiting last week from Vancouver kept on saying that he hadn't heard of the guy and so he couldn't be very good.

I thought he was just being possessive of me, as he is wont to do. He even offered to coach me from Vancouver. This is odd as he typically tries to get me to MOVE to Vancouver. I think he's finally realized that this is unlikely.

It would seem that J was on the mark.

SO how do I get out of this commitment?

GRRR...

What else?

I don't know.

I'm still caught up with being thwarted in my attempts to get out and do productive activities.

Oh yes, there is lots else.

A very hot guy at work is clearly into me. He's been inviting me for coffee and/or ice cream every day. And he's been writing me endless emails.

Unfortunately he is 1) young; 2) recently out of a long-term relationship.

Furthermore, mixing work and pleasure I don't do. Ever.

Ugh. So I need to deal with that. It is rather flattering though.

And to top it off...drum roll, please...I cut my damn hair! It is ugly and red and it is short. I'm already starting to regret it. But the truth is that I look reasonably cute and it certainly is quick and easy to wash and style. And the brown will come! It will come!

So that crisis is somewhat over.

That's the best I can do.

The other marginally disturbing thing that has happened is that the hairdresser labeled Larry a "player." He's known him for fifteen years. And he seems now to have come over to my side.

Not that there really are sides, per se.

I didn't ask for the information. He offered it, in a tone of sympathy. And, furthermore, he added that he'd told Larry that he (Larry) would never get married.

Again, the story was told with a sort of "I want to tell you this because you're a nice girl and I want you to know that it was not your fault" tone.

The hairdresser told me that he always enjoys it when I visit, and he gave me a little hug when I left. It was nice. We seem to have a rapport.

Sigh. So that is my life in a nutshell. Things are OK, though I feel as though I've taken two steps forward and then at least one back.

So step forward again, S. :)

'Night.

9:58 p.m. - 2007-06-07

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