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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Lilac-scented days.

Well, an interesting day. A pretty day in Ottawa. I was unfortunately hungover, however, and so was unable to fully appreciate it.

I've realized that I need to stop drinking. I've been drinking only once a week or so lately, but the drinks seem to be adding up. And they are wholly unnecessary.

Besides, I'm going to get fit again and that's a perfect excuse to drop the beer in my life!

I was out a couple of hours ago with my coach from those halcyoned days of yore, for the start and the finish of the elite 10k. The finish is only a block to the canal plus 400m down the canal from my house. I strolled down my leafy street, thick with the scent of lilacs, and smiled to myself.

I enjoyed watching the race this evening, with no tension or sadness. I know what I need to do to get fit again to the best level of fitness that I am able to achieve at this point in my life. I made a pact with myself as I strolled home that I would aim to place in the marathon next year.

I've come to realize that I'm in the right place in my life, to be whatever I will be in my life. I'm no longer worried. I don't need to plan so aggressively, worry so acutely.

It's like that line I liked in that book once, in which a woman who has been self-flagellating over her plainness looks in the mirror and says, "I realized then that I had the right nose, the right face for my life."

We're right in our own lives. They're not competitions. They're opportunities to pursue excellence.

I've got peace, baby. :)

Speaking of running though I ran for the first time this season in the heat this afternoon. I ran up the canal at about 4 p.m. and my goodness I was knackered. I suppose it was the dehydration from my hangover. Still, my GOODNESS I was wheezing. Note to self: Buy new running gear in a colour other than black. :)

Bodies are great--all shapes and sizes. When you watch a race of that magnitude and calibre you see them all. And sinewy, sweaty muscle whether at the top or at the back of the pack is life. It's just life; it's strength, it's fulfillment of a kind. Bodies were meant to be worked. And they were meant to be shared, touched.

I'm completely out of condition at the moment. And it feels like such a great gift to know that my body is healthy and strong and uninjured and can be re-conditioned. I can build and build the strength again. As I was running this afternoon it occurred to me that it was on the same canal path that I set out ten years ago pretty much exactly to this day to train to win my first marathon.

I was so determined. In the mornings I would crawl out of bed early to literally drag my tired legs around the lake near the house in which my boyfriend and I lived. In the evenings I'd be out on the canal running the 18 km circuit of it. Repeat. I smiled to myself today when I thought of that girl--who had never trained as a runner before--with her cheap shoes and cotton t-shirts and cut off track pant shorts. She was funny. She'd take herself twice a week to a dirt track behind a high school, with a bottle of gator-de...and she'd run herself hard for six or so miles. And then she'd jog home for dinner. She was mad. But mad in a good way. :)

So what else? Not much. J. and I were standing behind the announcer's booth at the race start, in order to take note of the elite athletes who showed for the race (always different from the start list). J. was an elite runner himself in the days of St-ve Pr-fontaine (and ran with him in Oregon, as a matter of fact), so this is always a fun exercise. It made me a little bit sad, however, to see that I no longer know many faces-- the guard is starting to change.

Anyway, the notable bit was that a famous politician was in the booth and I caught her looking at me. I don't know if it was because she thought she knew me or something, or if it was because, in a sea of runner-y people, I was wearing a brown dress and some obnoxious red wedge shoes. Anyhow. I smiled and waved at her and she waved back. The press makes her out to be quite a vixen--and she did some insubstantial things in her now- finished political career, to be sure--but I rather like her style and respect a few of her undertakings.

Anyhow. So small note of the day. That and that the Pr-mier of Ontario, also in the same booth, made a bad joke about his government being responsible for the weather. Yeah, OK. You're also responsible for a myriad of bad policy decisions, buddy. But oh well.

And Rick M3rcer was in the booth and spoke as well, though did not attempt any humour. Too bad. He was promoting a good cause--malaria nets for Africa (spreadthenet.org, I think)-- as was BS, though I'm confused given that another prominent Canadian politician's father had been running a comparable Canadian organization for thirty years (he died recently), and this established organization does not seem to be affiliated with this new, flashier one. Seems a shame not to build on the experience of the estabilshed group.

Sigh. I'm tired. And I made the mistake of agreeing to go for another pint with coach J. this evening. He's only in town for one more day so I couldn't say no. I would have liked to have left it at last night, since I'm afraid that he'll start making advances now that the meetings are done and he effectively doesn't have a curfew...Sigh again. I always have this trouble with older men, which I simply cannot understand.

Oh well. Off to do battle to protect my innocence. :) And to have a single pint. Guinness, anyone? (It contains plenty of iron!)

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8:25 p.m. - 2007-05-26

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