enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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So tired, should be writing. ARGH. Stress.

Last day at work done tomorrow.

Not even remotely close to done with the book. :(

All so depressing. I feel terrible leaving, even though I've put in my time.

But they didn't secure me a permanent position in time. (The interview was to be upcoming, the job several months down the track...)

And I start my new job on Thursday. I went out tonight and bought a couple of short-sleeved blouses for work. I've just been motoring through money lately--which I hate--but I literally had NO appropriate summer work clothes before last week, when I bought a few summer skirts and light tops. Tonight it was three short-sleeved blouses and a vest. Not too extravagant. I bought two pairs of light-coloured pumps last week. That is ALL that I am going to buy.

THank goodness my tax refund from last year is big.

In other news, you'll be amused to discover that the email dumper and his vanity have come in very handy! He's been quite sympathetic about my hair--seems more worried about me NOT having to cut it off than I ever would be (and I AM going to cut this awful, damaged stuff off my head)--and found me a great stylist to fix it!

So there!

I knew that there was a reason for all of my suffering with him. :)

As for the other guy, I haven't really heard from him, apart from a small email yesterday. He's slowly working his way out of the picture.

I'm rather disappointed given the common interests and the way that the whole affair started, but I'm not going to try to force the issue and I thought the car phone thing was rude. Someone tell me if I was being uptight. A friend suggested so today. I wonder sometimes if I expect too much.

And I was rather hard on him through the evening, with jokes and all. I was hurt.

Hmm..Seriously, things had started out so well.

I'll be honest though--now is not a great time for me to be starting a relationship. My self-esteem is at an all-time low, mostly because in spite of all of my hard work the output coming out of this job is definitely not my best and not what I'd hoped. Add to that the little matter of my appearance being somewhat shocking, and I'm not running around trying to show myself everywhere.

In fact, as I mentioned, I've been keeping my head down lately. Literally. I've been wearing my bike helmet straight from the racks to my office, and I've been spending most of my time locked up therein. I haven't even felt much like going to the cafeteria at lunch. I just don't want to be out in public. Not a recipe for healthy living.

And C. is coming up tomorrow night. I love to have C. here but he is coming up to look for an apartment for his impending move (end of June). C. and apartment hunting do not go together. I am efficient and endowed with a get-to-it yet easygoing temperament with respect to it. C. is not. C. belabours everything. C. is difficult. C. fusses unduly about everything.

Thank goodness I will be working Thursday and Friday!

Unfortunately though I seem to have misplaced my spare set of keys. WHY NOW!?????

OK. Will return in a day or so rested, happy, and relaxed. The new job should be fine, in spite of the fact that I will have to explain my hair to the great Benoit.

My hair appointment with Larry's guy is on Thursday after work. (Yes, the email dumper's name is LARRY. I know it shouldn't embarrass me to say it but it conjures up images, doesn't it??)

And, in fact, L. and I will be having a drink tomorrow. Likely. His heart really is in the right place, in spite of his stupidity. He even offered to drive me to the hair place.

But don't worry-- I have absolutely no lingering romantic interest in him. I have enough distance from it that the feelings are gone and only bemused but warm regard for his positive points remains.

10:42 p.m. - 2007-05-08

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