enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Didn't I learn this at seventeen?

I'm really ashamed to admit this but I had a terrible moment of missing the guy again today. I'd agreed, finally, to have a coffee with him today and I couldn't be cool about it. I procrastinated in calling him back and I eventually waited until it was too late to follow through. And then I called and heard his voice...

We can just cut to the chase. Like most people who have been in a relationship, we have a kind of language of our own when we speak. It's a level above the conversations that one has with most other people. Easy. So much unspoken. I miss relating to him on that level--to anyone on that level.

So I got off the phone and burst into tears. I miss him. I know that he is lacking in many ways, but he has these wonderful, charming attributes. He's actually a sweet person, if completely immature.

I can't make him what he is not. I can't make him what he is not. And I can't make him feel what I'd want him to feel for me.

I feel weak. And stupid. And lonely. And ugly. :( Cue sappy, romantic music.

3:37 p.m. - 2007-04-01

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