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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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second entry for today, though slightly less salacious than the first ;)

OK.

This note classifies as an �I�m at work, it�s morning, and the last thing on earth I want to do is log onto the network and start running regressions� letter.

I�m just not in the mood.

I suspect that riding my bicycle makes things so much worse, since my head remains outside for long afterwards.

I didn�t run up the 24 flights of stairs this morning.

I�ve just consumed a toasted pumpernickel bagel with cream cheese, and have been munching on dates.

I have a bad habit of bringing food into work and then absentmindedly consuming it throughout the day. I consumed the best part of a 1 kg bag of dates yesterday. I am not joking. Let�s hope I can absorb the iron�and that the plumbing is good in this building (joking!).

So the worst part about running again is that my breasts are already disappearing. I had built up a bit of a cushion through my winter fat-acquisition and recent cheese and chocolate consumption and now they are evaporating again. It�s quite a frustration. Speaking of which, my ex-boyfriend had the gall the other day, in an email, of telling me that if I were to put on a couple of pounds up top (I believe he meant not only in my boobs, but god knows), I would have the perfect body. We had this conversation in relation to a discussion about the running club and gym/athletic club that I am going to join; the discussion promptly ended when I suggested that suggesting defect to a woman one has seen naked is really bad form.

What is wrong with men? Well, in fairness, we know what is wrong with THIS particular man.

He�s already received too much airtime... The End.

So I was just thinking a little bit about something that culotte has been speaking of, and that in general affects many of my lovely and very busy diaryland friends. I�m feeling incredible�in a physical sense�at the moment, and I realize that it is completely attributable to the fact that I have started exercising vigorously again. Sure, I exercised a little bit in the winter, with runs home from the office and the occasional weekend run. But now I am biking back and forth from the office every day, and I�m building up my running base again so that I won�t make a fool of myself on the track this summer. I think I didn�t realize how awful I felt until I didn�t feel awful anymore.

Sure, you might say, my satisfaction is derived from the fact that I was out of my own personal equilibrium of hyper-activity. And you would be right. But I think that we can�t underestimate the power of exercise to, even subtly, energize us for everything else. My body feels clean. I hope I never forget that again. Sweat=well-being.

Having said this, however, one should NEVER beat oneself up about what one has not done in the past. The past is the past. We all have commitments and difficulties. We can only do what we can do. And I can certainly say with accuracy that exercise is just about the only thing that I ever succeed in doing systematically and sufficiently, which is a rather sad state of affairs. My current goal is to become like everyone else: career-oriented; systematic in running my life; back to doing the things that I crave, like art; more openly seeking of companionship and good fun�I am not one to throw stones.

I mention all of this as in part I want to say in particular that no one should feel badly about getting out of the habit of exercise. I mean, I should know better--fitness was the focus of my life for 10 years! And you�d think I would have realized that the excess emotion that I felt during my breakup was in part attributable to the fact that I was not taking care of my body.

Moral of the story: We can all lose touch with the importance to everything else, of keeping the body in tip-top shape.

Les toits de Paris
Benoit and I have been having a back and forth about his photographs. Who knew that such a serious economist could have such a fantastic eye! And such warmth--there were pictures in his portfolio of his friends� children that were so gentle and heartwarming�I could not believe that they came from the eye/hand of my hyper-cynical friend. I�ll admit that it changed my perspective on him somewhat�though I�m not sure enough to surmount the lack-of-attraction barrier.

(Let me first tell a little story about B., so that you have some perspective on my shock re. his tenderness. We went skating a little while ago, the whole length of the canal. At the 6.5 k marker the cleared path doubles back on itself, so that for 500m or so the paths going in opposite directions are directly beside one another. As a result, when one reaches the 7 km. market, one can easily

B. is also feeding my fondness for rooftops at the moment. Yes, you read correctly�rooftops. I love rooftops. He�s been sending me pictures of the rooftops of Paris, taken from the roof of Opera Garnier. I�m going to have some of them printed and framed for my living room. I imagine them encircling the room. Reminds me a little of the beginning of A Room with a View��Far above the rooftops of Florence�� Here is a sample:

OK. I�m fatigued and boring myself now, so I will recommence the analysis for which I am being paid. The notions of a sugar daddy or a mysterious inheritance arriving in the mail are both highly appealing today. Sigh.

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12:01 a.m. - 2007-03-30

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