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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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more dithering and intense fatigue

I should write. I have lots to write.

But I'm dead tired. I'm running on several weeks' worth of anxiety sleep patterns of awaking early.

I'm actually pretty confident about my offer coming through--though the formal papers STILL haven't been completed and sent (I asked on Friday)--so that probably isn't it.

My work is definitely a bit overwhelming at the moment, so that is part of it.

My terrible hair is preoccupying me a little, to be sure. But it is only hair and I can wait until it fades and dye over it or go goth and dye over it again immediately...Anyone with extensive dying experience who would like to offer advice is most welcome to do so. (Thank goodness I look pretty good with my hair up, else I'd REALLY be feeling ugly--I can kind of mask the awful golden, coppery tint when it is pulled back...What was the hairdresser thinking putting pure ash on the hair of someone with an olive complexion?? Huh? :)) (Please excuse the vanity. It's just that I've spent so much time in my recent life feeling badly about myself...it's a difficult habit to drop. I really need, however, to stop it. Now. :))

So I dropped the ecologist. I hope I wasn't premature in doing so but some spidey sense was telling me that something wasn't quite right with him. That and the fact that he asked for the stub to the ticket to the piano concert that I had paid for myself, as a business tax write off. (And that he suggested that we get together at his house on the weekend and that I take the bus out to the suburbs to see him there...I mean I'm very flexible and am happy to take the bus for someone I'm into, but when I don't know someone well and he has a car and he lives in a very inconvenient suburb most easily accessed in a quick drive on the freeway, I figure it is OK to expect a lift, especially at night.)

And these last couple of things weren't the whole picture. There was something about his tendency to give me advice and to repeatedly remark on how much work he's done on himself and how sure he is about everything in life that had the warning bells ringing in my ears...

Anyhow. GOsh I'm tired.

But before I leave I will tell you about my nice outing with my excellent friend Benoit yesterday. We went to a Ron Mu3ck exhibit at the National Gallery. That sort of exhibit isn't exactly my cup of tea but I liked and appreciated some of the work. I probably best liked the video about the making of another piece--of a greatly pregnant woman with her hands above her head--that wasn't in the show. In a nutshell: the work is ugly, the scale makes a point...I generally prefer pretty. Call me simple and shallow.

After the exhibit Benoit and I went to a pub for some food. Much to my delight he had brought along some of his photos for my perusal. It's always wonderful to see a new side of a friend whom you've known largely from one perspective (work). He'd also brought along a cd of photos that I'd taken, one of me and that I quite like (it doesn't show my wrinkles clearly, although the dark hair makes me look a little bit un-me-like.). Alas, my hair does not look like this anymore.

Gosh I'm tired. I know that I said that already. I should cook something or otherwise do something useful, but I suspect that the only thing that is going to help is a nap.

ACK. Before I forget. I joined a running club-- a very special running club that I think is going to provide me with the right balance between competitive and friendly fun. I just had a feeling about the coach when I spoke with him on the phone. And he doesn't expect me to train more than I want to train or to be a superstar. It's a club of women, mostly in their 30s. How perfect is that?

So tired. ZZZZZZ. Will return later, perhaps.

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3:16 p.m. - 2007-03-25

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