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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I'm back to focusing largely on ME again. So you'll see more of me here. :)

It's so true--I've been writing like sh!te lately.

I've been cryptic.

Nothing much happened with the guy, except that he has been playing games...calling, not calling, saying he'll call and then not calling and instead emailing me in the middle of the night.

I loathe this because I do not play games. I also do not accept games played by other people, so it annoys me that I have let it go this far.
I mean, I am the girl who moved over to Australia, nearly bought a house with her fiance, and then when he wasn't treating her properly--with no immediate hope of the situation improving--walked out and moved into someone's garage. And still maintained her dignity.

I'm all about dignity. I think we should all get what we deserve and nothing less. It's just difficult to execute sometimes, especially when you feel the siren call of good sex--which you have been sadly lacking in a long time--and mature laughs and companionship on cold winter nights.

And it is really terribly cold right now. My hands are chapped and gross. And I haven't even been skating yet! But the -30 temps last night as I walked OVER the canal did not tempt me to descend to it, and in little leather skates with no insulation in them whatsoever no less.

I'm becoming a winter wimp. I suppose I am starting to understand what I never understood before--how older Canadians can tolerate being lumped into a group so maligned and humiliatingly titled as the "snow birds"-- who spend their winters lolling about in speedos and filling their trailers with cheap plastic things and otherwise annoying the natives in Florida. Oh--and I'm sure that such people gum up vending machines with our pesky loonies and toonies, too. Feel free, all Americans, to dislike us Canucks.

I put on bright yellow this morning, with a green sweater over top. Somehow this makes me just a tiny bit happier. I'm going to go and buy myself a few more bright, sunny t-shirts to un-drab myself. All I've been wearing lately is brown and black. I'm dead sick of it.

I'm stressed about work. I realize that this is because I am pulled in all directions with the hunt for something more permanent to begin when this ends. And I'm doing the dreaded WHAT WILL MY FUTURE LOOK LIKE thinking again. It has to be done, I suppose. Today, however, I will impatiently toss it aside.

So I'm finally getting down to the writing of that book that I mentioned earlier in the year. Not to give away the farm or anything but if anyone out there has a particularly burning desire to understand something specific related to the Canadian economy, please feel free to throw out suggestions for chapter topics. I'm aiming for something roughly approximating a Freakon0mics Light and also Heavy, only necessarily less titillating because, well, it is going to be about things that people don't understand about the way that the CANADIAN economy functions...and, more precisely, how it is measured. I do work for a measurement agency, effectively. :) Oh and also I am about half as capable an economist as is Steven L3vitt...in spite of that coding bungle of his on the abortion paper that greatly weakens his results. Meh.

Yes, snore away my friends. But if you do have a burning question let the question be known and I will put it on my list of potential topics. The book will comprise many, many short and (hopefully, wishfully) punchy chapters.

Hmm... I feel the need to brave the harsh north winds, if only to push some air into my lungs. And to buy something cheap and yellow.

PS: I am loving not being a runner any longer. I mean, I run the four miles home from work and that is IT. The punchline is that I am growing breasts again. Actually, they are a rather large 32 B-C already. So nice to have body fat again; if only I could move some of it up to my face (without surgery). :(

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11:25 a.m. - 2007-01-27

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