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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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dribbles

SO I only have a few seconds to post something that I commenced writing--and didn't proofread-- at work. I'm due out at a movie (Volv3r) with Benoit in a few minutes.

Before I forget...thanks, teranika, for your kind words earlier today!

I'll seriously write something normal and thoughtful tomorrow. :-)

******

So I�ll begin writing again, now that things have leveled off. A month has passed with L. I�m now on a level plain, my concentration is back, January will be a busy month of study and interview preparation�

So two days ago I was feeling scared and hesitant and about to cut things off with L. Yesterday changed everything though. We had our first really intimate conversation, for lack of a better way to express it. And I discovered that he is an infinitely better guy that I had ever imagined, or simply that he really does care for me. He wanted me to talk, explain what I was feeling, express my fears even though I didn�t have the right words at hand. And when it was done and it was way too late and we were tired he said that he thought it was a good conversation to have had. He told me so again in an email that he fired off when he got to work this morning. Either he is really, really manipulative and clever or he simply �gets� relationship-building. I�m a bit overwhelmed.

So I must do some work! Gosh I need to sleep! (So badly it hurts.)

I�m finally not sick. I was feeling better as of the night of the 26th/27th although I�ve remained congested.

So, dilemma: L. wants to see me on NY�sE, but I have friends coming up from Toronto. Only one of them is a close friend and I did not invite them�and they are not staying with me�but I will, of course, be a good friend and spend the evening with them. I would not want to bring L. along, however, since I don�t think the event would be at all fun for them. What he�d like to do�in spite of multiple other invitations�is spend the evening a spa with me and then return home for a drink or two. Unfortunately, this is not going to happen. I prefer a quiet NY�s at home, however, so if it were executable it would be a good plan.

I�m babbling. And I do need to get back to work. I�ve been so distracted. More later.

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8:36 p.m. - 2006-12-28

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