enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Will the clouds please go ahead and part....SOON???

Ugh. Lead in my stomach. No time to write. I must force myself to sleep.

Tears were near the surface all day. I don't want to burden my friends or my mother with my sadness. I hid in my office.

My boss is truly odd. I must attempt not to take his slights personally. I bumped into him on the way into the building this morning, and the odd fellow took a different door and clearly delayed so that we would not take the same elevator. I wanted to turn tail and run away.

And then, ten minutes later, I was speaking on the phone with my western colleague and he mentioned that the boss had suggested that he needed to apologize for not having been supportive about our work in our meeting last week (understatement of the year--he was an a**hole during the meeting). My colleague suggested to me that the boss's behaviour simply reflected his personality--that he was simply embarrassed to see me and so took pains to avoid me. Apparently he doesn't apologize to women.

So I've figured something out: I don't dislike economics; I dislike some of the wankers who select into the field.

The scientist has started fast and furiously writing me love poems, claiming that I've freed his soul somehow. And he's continued to write me tender expressions of his desire, all day and evening. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE UNIVERSE? I do not deserve or need this attention.

How on earth could someone like me possibly free a soul?

I am chained melody personified.

Seriously, I want to hide my head in a giant dirt hole concealed by mounds of green grass, like muskrat in a summer bank.

I have to thank Jane Aust3n for saving my sorry ass yet again. I lulled myself into at least a few hours of sleep last night with some P&P; I hope to do the same again now.

11:30 p.m. - 2006-11-14

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