enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I paddled at sunset amongst lily pads of silver that were patterned like strewn petals.

OH.....I am so tired. I succumbed to pressure to go out into rural Quebec today for a paddle in a lovely lake.

The cabin that we visited was exactly the sort of rustic cabin I'd like to own one day. I have probably also negotiated with the owner to buy cheaply a bunch of lovely books his parents bought at some point in the 50s and left there: charming copies of children's fairytales, young adult stories, classics...and all with the bindings uncracked. Lest you think I was trying to rip him off, I'll tell you that he seemed simply to want to dump the stuff. I actually offered him double what he originally proposed.

I apologize if this is sloppy. I'm in a mellow mood.

Last evening I was in the bakery after work. It's an interesting bakery with good products, though it has an odd system whereby one goes around with a tray and tongs and then has items wrapped at the cash. This is fine, except inasmuch as checking out can take a bit of time. Normally I have the patience for this, but there was a loud, annoying man in the bakery at the time with his two children (isn't it always worse to be around annoying people when you feel they are embarrassing themselves around their children?), who decided to target me for conversation. The rather one-sided conversation went a little bit like this:

AM: (waving a flaxseed cookie in front of my face and practically yelling at me) These cookies are GOooooooooooood!

ME: (not looking at him, keeping voice low) Uh-huh.

AM: (pointing to the baguette on my tray) Are you going to eat that entire baguette yourself?

ME: Uh-huh.

AM: Are those your *real* eyelashes?

ME: Uh-huh.

AM: You must originally have been from the desert. You would have needed long eyelashes to keep the sand out of your eyes.

Seriously, I attract these sorts of people. And all I desired to do after this exchange is turn to his two boys and say, "RUN! Run for your lives before they become even more stunted and desperate!"

Gosh I'm a grump. And the thing is that the man was actually correct: my eyelashes are pretty much my only great physical attribute.

So something interesting happened today. En route to the cottage my companion and I stopped to meet up with some of his friends. They were lovely, funny, interesting...and I was attracted to one of the guys, very much. It is such a rarity these days.

The problem is, of course, that my host seems to like me and I could never be so unkind as to go after his friend. It just wouldn't be classy.

But this was a good thing! I was actually attracted to someone!! I've become so prickly and my view of male-female relationships so distorted that I feared it would never happen again. I was listening to the female president of Latvia on the radio this morning and she talked at length about women assuming a sexual neutrality in their professional lives; it seems that such a neutered persona has become the entirety of my being.

10:44 p.m. - 2006-09-30

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