enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Boring, drooling entry about how lovely it is to be anti-social.

I hate to admit this but...I love my job. It's utterly terrifying as the holes in my skill set will no doubt be revealed, but it's OK because I go to work, put my head down, and then suddenly it is five o'clock and I can go home. I find myself wandering to the cafeteria with my head in a research paper, even, reading as I eat my sandwich, etc., etc.

In other words...it's the perfect place for me to work. Furthermore, I sit in my little office and I can hardly ever hear anything. No one emerges from their little spaces. When I pass their squares all I see is geeky, hunched- over people staring at regression results on their little screens, or grunting over econometrics books or statistical software manuals. No one even speaks to me in the washroom! It's wonderful!

On my first day my boss told me that everyone in the division is an introvert, and that he thinks our admin. assistant--whom he refers to as the glue, and who is very, very bubbly--is probably unhappy in it. I thought initially that I would walk down the floor occasionally to chat with her, but so far I've just been emailing her like everyone else.

I'm so amused by my geeky focus that it's perhaps a little bit sick. :)

This may wear off. But the thing is that what's not to like about a job at which you only see your boss once a week? At which you get paid good money to produce deliverables at the end of a couple of months or so, but with no BS, no meetings, no chit chat in between!? And, best yet, there are no stupid people on my entire floor, I believe. In fact, I would not be surprised to discover that I am the sum total of stupid people on my floor! Of course, I only know this from the papers they have written, since I have never spoken to any of them. OK, two guys, once. And my boss. And I almost spoke to a guy who was staring at my ass in the kitchen today (I could see his reflection in the microwave), but then I thought the better of it. I may have found my calling.

I'm half joking. I'm actually amazed at how well I like the little zone in which I find myself. I did speak, too, with the guy in Vancouver today for an hour, although in hushed tones so as to not disturb any of the mysterious beings located nearby. I must be beginning to relax with him, for I found myself putting my feet up on my desk as we chatted...or rather debated. Imagine that!

Seriously, I hope that I'm not disturbing anyone here.

I will tell you that one thing that reveals that I remain human is that I meet my friend in the cafeteria of an adjoining office tower for lunch twice a week. The pattern seems to be Tuesday and Friday, which seems like enough lunch to be had for a week. We laugh and talk about girly stuff and so on and in general it is a nice break.

On those days I actually look at the people around me since I do not have a paper to read in the cafeteria. The interesting thing about the cafeteria, I've noticed, is that in that one--the one in the other building--I see many guys looking. In my building, no one looks (economists, bless their hearts!). But then I did catch the guy sneaking a peak today so perhaps economists are simply more discreet about it (mystery solved, maybe). I've been trying to assess what is so different about that building.

I'm really just joking. Seriously though, I hope that things continue to tick along because when I approached my office tower on my bike this morning my face actually broke into a smile. I was thinking, "Work is not so painful after all!"

It's too, too bad that I do not yet have a secure job there. But then again, I may well tire of the solitude after a month or two.

I apologize. That was a whole entry full of babbling about nothing. I'm a bit delirious. I made the mistake of eating a bag of jujubes earlier. Why, I cannot tell you.

I also have a date with a brilliant, brilliant guy on Wednesday or Thursday (dependent on movie times). I worked with him about four years ago. Although not particuarly good looking, I always found him to be a kindred spirit. Terribly witty and disgruntled, but kindly at the root. Very up front. An economist who is also skeptical about economics. What could be better? Also a francophone, and we are going to a French movie. I'm glad I emailed him out of the blue; cool that he asked me out.

9:12 p.m. - 2006-09-25

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