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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Time to obsessively throw myself into becoming an origami expert, or maybe learning Chinese gardening (I love the miniature trees that they groom...I should post some pictures from a trip to the Botanic Garden last year.)

OHHHHHH.....I am dreadfully hung over. I only had three pints of Guinness, and over a period of 4-5 hours, but I guess that I had not eaten enough in advance. Perhaps the draught pipes were not clean?

Who knows. I loathe that tossing and turning, sweaty feeling that one has in bed when one has consumed too much alcohol. It's tisane for me from now on.

So, needless to say, I was on a date last night. He was an interesting guy--PhD in microbiology, post doc. in health ethics, works in fertility policy. There were flies in the ointment at the same time (perhaps not warm enough, didn't seem to have very diverse knowledge or interests...it took a long time to explain to him exactly what kind of research labour economists do, etc.), but a nice guy to hang out with.

I've decided though to hang up my online dating shoes in favour of taking courses to improve myself. I was reading a couple of recent entries by elgan, and I felt a pang of longing for the days of my piano study. So I proceeded to go on the website of the Ottawa School Board to examine some of the continuing education courses. The first priority is to continue working on my French. I use it so little that it desperately needs work. I've been lazy in that regard, although it comes back fairly quickly. I just wish that people in Ottawa didn't use such a horrible franglais when they speak. I feel almost as though I need to learn an entirely new language.

And, of course, practising further with my landlord is utterly out of the question, French-French or not.

UGH.

So perhaps I'm a romance sociopath? My indifference to romance astounds me. I mean, it hasn't been aided by the fact that the guy last night, for example, drank WAY too much. It also wasn't aided by the computer science guy or the stalking history professor or the crown attorney who insulted and generally frightened me.

So I'm hanging up the shoes. I'm sure that eventually I'll find someone on my own, in the organic process of living my life, such as it is.

Otherwise though, I've made a new friend. The nice guy from the other night is cool with me not being interested in him and suggested--after my suggestion in our conversation that I would like to take some dance classes--that we take a class together. I think it's a great idea. I've always wanted to learn to tango.


Me, tango-ing. :) :) Seriously, a long-time wish. I wish I knew the name but I particularly love that piece of tango music featured in Scent of a Woman.

Otherwise, work went really badly in the last couple of days. I have a very good handle on my most important project---the one with the guy in Vancouver--but the policy book is not going well. There are two interested parties attempting to steer me on this one and they have competing objectives. My interests lie closest to those of my boss; the media/communications guy wants something far too superficial and so pointless in my view. If I hadn't taken an oath of confidentiality I would provide some examples of what this guy actually thinks is useful (and releasable, of course). Sometimes the pointlessness of so many government exercises astounds even me. So I spent two days writing and deleting, writing and deleting. I felt paralysed and fairly annoyed with myself.

As for what I will henceforth term the "Vancouver" project, it's fairly undoable in the time alotted (although thank goodness that this undoableness will snag me a couple of trips to Vancouver!). I have to work with several longitudinal micro datasets and squeeze the marrow from them in less than two months. There are many difficulties that I can already foresee with respect to the multiple cohorts that have been integrated into the set. This work is in addition to the work that I must do with about a dozen other cross-sections and at least one other panel.

Oh well. I said that I like a challenge. Sadly, I feel almost my happiest when I am sitting behind my computer working, even if it is in the evening after having already left work. I have a difficult time accepting myself when I feel that I am not being "productive" in some way, even in my spare time. This contradicts the fact that I am able to sit for days on end just watching the world go by when I travel.

Perhaps I simply don't understand myself. This would also explain precisely why I seem not to be able to click with any potential mates. Hmm...

So that's about it. I'm drinking some lovely raspberry tisane and when it is done I am going to shower and walk out the the Bridg3head for a coffee and to read my paper. I have some funny stories that I could tell but for some reason I am all talked out.

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11:50 a.m. - 2006-09-23

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