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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I return. I remain a bore. :)

Not much interesting to write, or not much patience with which to do it...

I met the guy last weekend and he was somewhat of a disappointment. I say disappointment simply because the physical him that I had constructed from his pictures was larger and more interesting than the true physical him. Read: he was shorter and thinner than I had expected. I pride myself on not being shallow about physical appearance, but I admit to being sexually more attracted to guys who are bigger than me rather than ones closer to my own size. Call me crazy! (I'm only about 115-125 lbs.--no idea, I never weigh myself--and 5'6.5"-ish, so I don't think that larger is asking very much.) Actually, I met a second guy after him and he was short but lean, sculpted--a runner, like me, but benefited by his fondness for triathlon training--so he didn't seem quite so short at 5'7". I suppose there is room for some superficiality.

Anyhow, I will remain in touch with the first guy and will date him a bit in September, though I am a bit shaky as to where it is going. In addition to being smaller and thinner than expected, I realize that he is less forthcoming with personal information than I feel he should be after the depth of correspondence that has been undertaken between us. It will get a little bit tiring to have to work to draw someone out; it also starts to seem as though they are 1) insecure; 2) secretive. The hiding of things, in particular, is supremely unattractive to me at this point in my life; the exception is past relationship issues, which one should almost always keep to oneself after a certain age.

So I was party to a weird drunken conversation on Monday night. The guys in the group were talking about attractive actresses and their consensus was that Julianne Moore is the most beautiful. I mean, I totally agree!! She's my favourite. But these were late-20s guys. Even more weird--though I don't think in general that guys find Nicole Kidman attractive, since she is very skinny and not exactly sexy, if you will--but they found Nicole Kidman to be--and I quote--"weird looking." Some asserted that she had been attractive when she was young (i.e. in Dead Calm and Far and Away), but that recently she has had too much work done. Really?? Has she had work done? I must say that I would not have thought of it, although I don't like her hair bleached blonde and not natural, curly, and red. I mean, I remember that she looked really weird at the Oscars a couple of years ago with her hair pulled back tight. Otherwise though I would have said that she is quite nice looking, if too thin and pale and overly coiffed. Hmmm. Weird. From the mouths of boys.

I like the fact that they were into Julianne Moore, though. Praise for older women always goes over well in this house, although of course--regrettably--I do not have Ms. Moore's loveliness.

Otherwise, I have two remaining papers to complete and then this degree will be done. Officially, I will graduate with the work completed as of Tuesday. It could not come too soon. I feel true disdain for this place and all that comes with it.

I went to Ottawa last Wednesday. On Thursday I found an apartment. It was that easy. I called a number in the area of interest and a lovely French man called Roland answered the phone and agreed to wait for me; following an afternoon of good conversation about music and making art and the beauties of Italy and Spain (he is a professional violinist, an amateur painter, and well-traveled), over glasses of limoncello on the rocks, I had an apartment. References and bank approvals were not required. I paid the deposit, received a lease and a receipt, and was done with it. A lovely afternoon and a peaceful and mercifully painless experience was had by all.

So I suspect that what will happen in the next few weeks is that I will go to Montreal. I will leave here on the 14th, spend a couple of days at my parents' in the country, and then proceed to C.'s apartment in the plateau. I have work prep. to do for my job (stats, stats, and more stats), but I can't think of any reason that this work can't be done at least near to a patio and some good shopping in la belle ville. No reason whatsoever. Now that I am distant from it I recognize what a hot, hot, hot city it is...grunge or not. How I miss the style and the crazy cultural vigour and vibe. I've now had my life's fill of tight-assed Protestants, although I do confess that attention to thorough medical care and the prompt and precise attending to business generally are the redeeming graces of tight-assed Protestants IMHO. I guess it will suffice to say that I can love Montreal and the Quebecois in general as long as I do not have to pay my taxes there, have my plumbing fixed in a city with third-world infrastructure and yet obscenely overpaid blue collar workers, or need to deal with the Régie de l'assurance m@ladie du Québec. It is true, French-speaking people the world over seem to be easiest to deal with when the issue at hand is pleasure and not necessity. :)

(I'm aware that I am, for all intents and purposes, a tight-assed Protestant worthy of French-Canadian contempt, moi-même. :))

I honestly believe that this is the last time that I will ever spend in S-W Ontario. I now understand why Alice Munr0 writes such damning stories about it, even having lived as far away from it as possible these many years now.

I'm babbling dreadfully, as usual. My tongue seems to dry up when I come to this space. I need to imagine a specific reader. I write fluidly and easily, generally, when there is a specific person to whom I am writing, I have discovered.

That's it. I'll stop now. I should eat something. In the intense heat and humidity I seem to prefer not to eat much. I don't eat for days on end and then I gorge myself. It's quite a dreadful modus operandi.

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7:23 p.m. - 2006-08-03

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