enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I hope the little kitten is now getting well.

So the news: The history professor turned out to be weird, or at least too needy for me. He's been emailing me every morning, mid-day and evening, telling me about all of the minutiae of his life. What broke the camel's back is that he started searching for things about me on the Internet and found a positive teaching review on that stupid rate my professors teaching site (I mean, bad statistics or what) and emailed me about how someone must have had a crush on me...insecurity or what?

So I still like the computer science guy but I think I have ruined it with him. I am perhaps a bit too honest and I realize now that I have been out of touch and out of the dating scene for so long that I need to re-learn the ropes. Oh well. There are many fish in the sea.

Frankly, I am also thinking that this email (duh!) thing is the ass-backwards way to do it. I really need to actually meet with the people, after a reasonable period of time, to make sure that there is chemistry. Otherwise, there is obviously no point in rambling on and on (though you can tell a great deal about someone by the way that they write, I think). This computer science guy has such a warmth about him too and has never overstepped any bounds with me; it's at least nice to know that such guys exist. Two others in the 'pool' have impressed me similarly.

It's kind of sad that dating is so difficult. I mean, it is true that someone should give guys the big heads up that women do not like men who try to consume them from the outset (of course, similarly, men do not like women who appear to be too needy from the outset). I guess that each sex has its advance warning system. I think the key is to develop sufficient confidence to not set these systems off. I am completely against playing 'the rules,' since these rules clearly violate the principle that you are fully evolved and confident as a human being as you seek a relationship.

Maybe the lesson is that I am not yet ready for a relationship or even dating, despite my protestations. But then maybe it is just like a bicycle that needs to be hopped on once again; one might be very wobbly initially but with a reasonably willing stabilizer good speed and sensible control can be re-attained fairly quickly.

Eh. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

In other news, I received notice of another job interview yesterday and about this I am pleased. It may provide a December/January solution if I find I am not keen on my upcoming job.

That is it. I have to return to the three most boring projects in the world. Veritable snore-fests.

Otherwise, I can't remember if I wrote this but I determined that the kitten was ill and needed an IV so the kind animal shelter people picked it up last night. I had tried to feed it with kitten milk substitute, kitten developmental food, etc., and it just wouldn't eat. So sad, it broke my heart. I was worried that with Canada Day an IV would not be attainable--without incurring a huge cost--so I felt I needed to act last night. I'm sad that I don't get to spend the week with my little kitten-buddy, however. It is very cute so I am optimistic that it will be adopted when returned to health.

I'm so, so tired. And maybe a bit discuraged. But I will back up and running soon--both literally and figuratively.

5:48 p.m. - 2006-07-01

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