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enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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I'm radioactive. More radioactive than usual. And I have a few things to say about Vancouver.

Bone scan today. I'm radioactive and was supposed to alert the technicians as to any intention to cross the border in the next seven days. Actually, I was also supposed to alert them if I happen to work at the nearby nuclear plant, which amused me somewhat.

Anyhow.

So the bone scan was a scary experience because instead of just doing the part of my body that hurts, they did everything. When I had the bone scan to diagnose the stress fractures in my foot in 2000 they did not do the whole works. Obviously they are looking for more this time--which I suppose is good, although more scary for me. Further to this scariness the doctor also decided to re-do my head after the main scan was completed. I guess there was some additional metabolic uptake on the left hand side and the doctor wondered if I'd hit my head recently or something like that.

They also did my hips three times. This is comforting and not. I am not sure what to think. I suppose that the thoroughness is good if it means that any problems are taken care of rapidly. Of course if there is nothing of import going on then I'll receive the all-over skeletal bill of health and that is also useful.

You know, I was riding home from having the radioactive material injected into me this morning and I looked over and into a car window and saw that the woman driving was actually eating a bowl of oatmeal. I thought that people only did that in commercials.

Back later. Have to take a call.

Back.

This morning, in between injection and scan, I rode home to take a nap. I awoke with the radio on and in the midst of a CBC radio interview with M@ggie Trud3au, even though I didn't know it was her until the interview progressed somewhat. I mention this because as I listened to her I thought "Wow, that sounds like me!" So now I'm wondering if I am also mildly bipolar.

The other thing that I would like to mention is that when I went to the hospital this morning I was struck anew by how complex these structures are. In spite of the numerous deaths that I have encountered, I've never spent much time in hospitals. At the same time, the experiences that I have had have been positive so I have no aversion to the places. Actually, I was thinking that it was a bit like being invited into an anthill. I like being on the inside of structures. I felt the same way when I was touring that big corporate organization in town a few months ago. These institutions grow and flux next door to you (the hospital is a few hundred metres up the road from my Faculty's building), and you go about your business unaware of the life inside of them.

I guess I mention the hospital in particular because I am always in awe of medical professionals. When I am in a medical environment and I watch the efficiency and friendliness of many if not most of the workers, I feel a huge swell of gratitude. Sure, some of these people are paid very well and get to do thrilling work. On the other hand, others of them--particularly the nurses--are way overworked and overburdened in the system in the way that it is currently configured. So when I am around nurses I always feel doubly that I regret not giving more of myself to other people in my own life and work, and I am amazed at how wonderful and cheerful most of them are, in spite of the pressures that they face. I'd pay more taxes to see the wages of nurses rise (and so that we'd lose fewer of them to the better positions available to them in the U.S.). It's tough. Where does the money come from and how does it get spent?

Of course, Stephen Harper is more interested in corporate tax cuts, increased military spending, and an endless list of other shortsighted conservative plots. Of course he would have us note that he's saving us millions by canceling the First Nations Kel0wn@ Accord, as well as a number of positive environmental programs. But what do you expect from a leader from Alberta?

I'm being flippant, I know. The basics of what I think and feel about the guy and his party are summarized by the above, however.

After Maggie was done this morning there was also an interesting interview on the radio with K3n Moriyama. He is an architect who grew up in Vancouver but who I believe now lives and practises out of San Fr@n. He recently built the spectacular new W@r Mus3um in Ottawa; I think his son's landscape architecture firm designed the museum's general spaces.

What I liked about the interview is that the guy was in Vancouver for the World Urb@n Forum (Vancouver is considered some sort of an urban model these days, or so I've read and heard), and yet he went about taking the town to task. He specifically criticized its architectural choices-- that have mostly squandered the natural advantages of the city--but he also fessed up that he had hated the place for a long time and only now tolerates it. It's no wonder that a guy whose family was part of the Japanese community that was stripped of its boats and other livelihood-producing assets and interned during WWII should hate the place. It's a pleasing wonder that he felt free to express this.

The thing with Vancouver is this: It's in a beautiful setting but it's still a very young city. Although growing and changing rapidly, it's not culturally mature. More importantly and discouragingly, its rednecked, racist past isn't far from the surface, especially within some of the communities of whites who have family history in the province. Vancouver is a strongly ethnically diverse city, so some of this is disguised, although I've still not encountered as much intolerance anywhere else in the country as I did there (except in the obvious places, and usually directed towards natives). Mostly it was expressed by people who had come into the city from smaller communities in the province. These people also bring with them a bit of bible thumping and attendant homophobia.

I'm painting an ugly picture and the city is certainly not all that. It's diverse. It's wealthy. Many baby boomers and their kids and grandkids are moving out there for a variety of reasons. Many highly educated people move there because they can afford to move there; others would move to avoid the eastern weather if it were pssible for them. (Vancouver City, although narrowly defined, now has an astounding percentage of residents with university degrees--something like 70-80%.) There are huge and dynamic Asian populations there. Lots of young hipsters wanting to make their marks, as well as liberal environmentalist types have moved there too. The growth rates in the German and Australian populations there are quite astounding too, especially on the islands. It's an interesting place. I don't mean to knock it down. I tend to pick things apart because that is my nature, but I do it with affection.

I raise these thoughts because I've been thinking a great deal about the desires that I sometimes have to move back out there. They were obviously stronger when running was still on the agenda, and they are muted by the fact that getting a decent job out there in a branch of economics that interests me would be tough. A librarian job came up at S#U the other day that sounded alright, but I really don't want to be a librarian. Studying Canadian history out there would be a possibility, but I'd have to give it some further thought. A good chunk of my data is actually good B.C. data and data from B.C. ports so it wouldn't be infeasible. Studying the inter-relation of markets in B.C. and the northwestern U.S. and California would undoubtedly be fruitful.

I guess the thing about Vancouver and me is that I have a love-lukewarm relationship with it. I love the land around it and Vancouver Island is a dream. Both of my brothers live there, or at least one does and the other will return to his business there when he decides that the time has come to leave New York. A couple of my other close friends live there too. But the thing is that when I lived there I never felt intimately connected to it. I didn't like the architecture. I'm not very new-agey so I found the liberalish people out there a bit trivial and offputting. And of course, the most offensive right-wingers reside in that part of the country too. One must not forget that it is the home of the Fr@ser Institute.

What I did like about Vancouver, apart from the natural setting and my two favourite places to run, ever (Stanl3y Park and the U8C Endowm3nt Lands), is the native stuff (when I was in law school at U8C I studied aboriginal legal issues, environmental legal issues and gay and lesbian legal issues--which was the only good part of the experience), and the Asian influence. I'm quite in love with Asian cultural practises, sushi, and multiculturalism generally. You can go into malls in the outskirts of the city and be convinced that you are in Hong Kong, which is neat.

I love every single ferry ride that one can take between the city and the islands, even if BC F3rries has not had the best of accident records of late.

I guess the bottom line with me and Vancouver, is that--like many other easterners--I for some reason craved some of the dirty, ugly layers of the east when I was out there. I loathe the cold winds of the Ottawa Valley and all of the other shortcomings of the big "O" so I suppose it will be interesting to see how long the National Gallery and the National Arts Centre and the Gatineau Hills can sustain me. I think the ideal would be to have a flat in Vancouver and a flat in Montreal; alas, I will not have the resources to do that.

This has been a long piece about nothing. I only meant to praise Moriy@ma for excoriating a population and a city that did him great harm. I get so tired of all of the happy morning voices that convene with Sh3lagh Rog3rs on Sounds L!ke C@nada. I miss Peter Gzowsk!, but who doesn't? I guess what I crave more than anything is the deeply authentic. I don't want social niceties superficially felt. I guess that's why I'm not crazy about birthday parties, and why I'd be embarrassed to get, say, a sympathy card from classmates or workmates who hardly know me. When I left my last job in the government--at which I only stayed five months--all of my colleagues had gotten together to buy me going away gifts and this deeply embarrassed me. I think there was even a gift certificate for art supplies amongst the gifts. I felt deeply embarrassed. I imagined that someone had passed the hat and then everyone else felt obligated. Obligation is ugly.

I'm really off-topic today. Any topic. I'll blame it on the radiation.

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3:12 p.m. - 2006-06-15

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