enfinblue's Bluey (credit to Fifi for the nickname!) Diaryland Diary

"I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart." -Vinc3nt V@n Gogh

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Sunday trivialities

I was just thinking about how I've never quite understood the tracking thing that people do to see who comes to their diary/blog. But then I'm not quite normal; I'm kind of an open (and shut!) book. That is perhaps naive and a bit dangerous.

I was thinking about this because I was sitting around the other day, thought to google my star student from last year--thinking that I would find a reference to his work at the research institute in Europe where he is currently studying--and hit upon a blog that he is carrying on in his own exact--and unusual--name.

I'm not sure why I mention this. I guess it was interesting because even though there is nothing terribly personal in his blog from what I could see, I felt somehow as though I was wronging him by reading it. Which is silly. But I still won't go back.

Before I leave that topic, however, let me say that I was surprised by my reaction to what he wrote there. The guy has a background in physics and was clearly head and shoulders above the other students whom I had taught. He had been an activist at the local level and had big dreams. He had even run for political office. Although I thought his politics were a bit naive--which is funny coming from me since I suspect that many people have this reaction to mine--I thought he had great potential.

I am sure that he still has great potential. Nevertheless, I was disappointed in his blog remarks about economics. His impressions struck me as still naive. I don't know. It was a strange reaction because I am convinced that he is incredibly bright. Perhaps it's just that he is underdeveloped as a writer; I know that handicap myself.

So what was my point? Oh yes (can you tell that I am a little bit distracted today?)-- it was that I suppose I understand tracking now that I feel I have invaded someone of my acquaintance's private space. At the same time, I think you could make yourself veritably crazy in trying to assess who has access to your thoughts. In this--as I do in many things--I profess a dedication to the idea that ignorance is bliss.

Anyhow. I guess that I've squeezed the interest from the story. The other observation that I made about his site is superficial, but I'll mention it still. He's lost weight. He seems to be running a bit more this year and completed a marathon. And you know what? I think he's lost his looks. The running has made him look hard(er). I think it did the same for me. I guess this is an interesting observation because I realize that I am attracted to people with more flesh rather than less. That seems healthy.

So I have to go out in the rain to complete some work for school. I've had a difficult time leaving my apartment. I suppose that I'm being paranoid about making my hip worse. If there is a stress fracture in the femoral neck, as I suspect, the problem could be displacement with weight-bearing activity. I even fear rolling over in bed. I can't wait for my bone scan so I'll know for sure. I kind of wish I'd kept the Wednesday appointment with the doctor--but then there would have been a huge mess in rescheduling a group exercise and so on that seemed more trouble than it was worth.

I'm tired. Being injured makes me tired.

I swore that I would stop complaining in this diary, however, and that means ceasing to babble about my hip. So that's it. I know how uninteresting it is to read about other people's health problems.

I know I had something else to write about, but for some reason I've forgotten it.

What else could it be?

I listened to Camille Paglia on the radio this morning. She's obnoxious and my views are decisively different on some subjects but I find certain elements of her platform appealing. You could say that I like her, if only because I admire people who dare to be patently unlikeable (even IF this is a conscious, structured act). They were broadcasting her from a little studio in Philadelphia and this conjured little memories of walking around the city with C. a year and a half ago. I revisited the Rodin Museum in my head. Life is so interesting if you shelter and save the details.

It is extremely cold here today; one would hardly know it is May if the calendar didn't say so. I think it's something like 6 degrees. It's also wet. Normally I'd be happy, but most of what I need to do for my work today involves travel from place to place on my bike (which of course I shouldn't do but I have no choice in the matter...)

Back after an interruption...
I just popped out to listen to an interview with an Olympian (and old friend of mine) who has been away from the sport for the last two years, for health reasons of which I was not aware. I've been so out of things for the last two years that I'd lost touch with what was happening to her. It was a very brave interview. I have to write her this afternoon.

After the athlete spoke there was an interview with a top women's sport doc from Toronto and what she said really hit home. Although my training in the last year has not been particularly intense, C. has pointed out to me that not living him has probably had a detrimental effect on my diet. Whereas when I lived with him I was always forced to take a break from work to cook, he knows that my tendency to concentrate deeply on things without moving from the computer for hours on end can lead me to skip meals. Although I eat well and quite a bit, in general, I do unthinkingly skip making proper meals when I am working hard and under stress. This hip problem may well be the result of this. Of course it could also just reflect a biomechanical problem, which I suspect is largely the case. I was also wearing less than ideal shoes and am less able to run on trails or grass here than I was in Montreal, believe it or not. I've never 'lost' my period--and I've always taken pride in that, as well as my willingness to be a bit heavier than other athletes in my sport--but it may well be that my nutrition balance has been a bit off this year.

OK. I said I'd stop talking about my hip. But that report was touching and rather interesting. I'm going to stop now. I think it's important, however, to be alert when life offers up its various wake-up calls.

Off I go, out into the great, wet outdoors.

1:13 p.m. - 2006-05-21

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